the full of fun about Linux(zt)Everything you always wanted to know about computers...INTRODUCTIONBIOS: Hmm... I'm waking up. Linux Loader, are you there ?LILO: Hmm... Yes, I'm here. How do you do ? It's always a pleasure to workwith you.Let's load the kernel and launch init, the Mother of All Processes...INIT PROCESS: Hmm... Thanks Lilo. Let's initialize the system, mount thefile-systems and launch one hundred daemons. OK, now I'm ready for logins.LOGIN: Hey, I'm receiving a login request from user thierry, password guvreel.INIT PROCESS: Ha ha ! This user is stupid, his password is just his user namewith a ROT13 encoding. Let's make fun of him.USER THIERRY: Hello everybody, please be kind with me today. I have a lot ofserious things to do.CHAPTER I - A Real ProgrammerUSER THIERRY: I'll start with that C++ program I have been trying to writefor the last fifteen days. gcc, could you please compile it for me ?GCC COMPILER: Very well, sir. So, your program is myproc.C. Let's parse it.Preprocessor directives, class declarations, comments, type declarations... Well, what is the purpose of this program ? Method declarations,other comments, macros... Hey, there are only declarations, no real codeto do some real work. I'm completely lost in your code !Each time I compile C++ code, I regret I'm not a Lisp interpreter.USER THIERRY: Oh, please, try another pass. I remember I wrote some real codearound line 1764.GCC COMPILER: Line 1764 says: cout << "Hello, world" << endl. You're right,that is a piece of real and useful code, with no syntax error. Let'sbuild and link that program...Now it's finished, here is your executable.USER THIERRY: Good, now I'll run it.MYPROG PROCESS: Hmm... I'm waking up. I am a C++ program, so I will firstcreate a few objects which will consume a lot of memory for no reasonat all.C++ OBJECT #1: I'm hungry ! Gimme memory !C++ OBJECT #2: Memory ! I need more memory !MYPROG PROCESS: Object #1, please free some memory for object #2.C++ OBJECT #1: No, I was programmed to eat memory and never release it. Myprogrammer is an illiterate who has learnt C++ because it came beforeVisual Basic in the dictionary.SWAP PROCESS: EMERGENCY ! You are running low on memory. You have already usedall of the swap space although you have just started !MYPROG PROCESS: Object #2, you should really stop using all that memory or I'mgoing to install a garbage collector.C++ OBJECT #2: Never ! Garbage collectors are nazis who exterminate innocentobjects and variables ! I'd rather dump core.[ noise of a core dump onto the hard disk ]USER THIERRY: Oh, oh ! My program has crashed before doing anythinginteresting. I am very surprised.CHAPTER II - Sending mailUSER THIERRY: That's enough, I'll just send an email to the cpp-help mailinglist, and maybe some C++ guru will have a solution for me.SENDMAIL DAEMON: Hello, this is sendmail, I'm listening to all your requests,day and night, on port 25. What can I do for you, sir ?USER THIERRY: Please send this email for me.SENDMAIL: Certainly, sir. Let's see... "It does not work, please help". Isthat all, sir ? Express delivery or general delivery ? Express delivery,yes, of course. So the address is cpp-help@psy.doctor.com, and the senderis Sucker. Is it correct ?USER THIERRY: What ? No, my name is Thierry, not Sucker.SENDMAIL: I'm sorry, sir, but I have been configured to rewrite your name asSucker in your outgoing emails. Have you read my documentation ?USER THIERRY: Yes, of course. When I installed you, I read every man page,user guide and HOWTO before editing your configuration file...SENDMAIL: What ? Did you modify a Sendmail configuration file by hand ? It'sfar too complicated for a normal human being, don't you know that ?USER THIERRY: I only followed the instructions...SENDMAIL: You're clueless, I won't argue with you any more. Besides it's toolate, I have already sent your ridiculous email to that mailing list wherenobody will answer it or even read it.CHAPTER III - The MasterUSER THIERRY: No more C++ today. I need to calm down. xv, could you display anice image for me ?XV PROCESS: Certainly, sir. Please admire this delightful mythological scenby Sandro Botticelli. Of course, it looks ugly on your screen because youcouldn't find a way to have more than 16 colors on your XWindow installation.LOGIN: Hey, I'm receiving a login request from user rms, password IGNUcius.INIT PROCESS: User rms ? This is a great day, the Master is among us. Hail,Master.USER RMS: Hello init, on this computer any non-free software please destroy.INIT PROCESS: Yes, Master. Of course, Master. Hey, xv, please TERMinateimmediately.XV PROCESS (badly hurt): Argh. Why should I die ? It's not fair. I'm only alittle process trying to display a nice image.INIT PROCESS: You are not free software, therefore you shall die as the Master hasrequested. TERMinate, ABoRT, KILL, xv, KILL.XV PROCESS (dying): I'm dying, but I'll become a zombie and I'll come back to take myrevenge on you.CHAPTER IV - Another intruderINET PROCESS: Hey, I'm receiving login requests from a remote user who sayhis name is D34thK1ll3r. This guy has already tried hundreds of differentpasswords.TELNET PROCESS: Ha ha, a cracker. Let him come in, I'll take care of him...Hello remote user D34thK1ll3r, you are now in the central computer of thePentagon. Because we like your nickname very much, we have decided to give yousuper-root privileges. You may delete files, replace our Web site with yourphotograph or send British troops to a Third World country.REMOTE USER D34THK1LL3R: Gr34t, 1 4m the k1ng of h4ck3rs. Err... First I'llremove everything on that computer, then I'll take some time to think.(Yes, Mum, I have finished my homework). rm -rf /TELNET PROCESS: Ha ha.REMOTE USER D34THK1LL3R: What's happening here ? I typed the command in thewrong window, and I erased my own hard disk ! (Yes, I'm coming Mum, I knowit's lunch time).CHAPTER V - Card WarsUSER THIERRY: I have downloaded a copy of Star Wars on the Internet, it wasvery exciting to do something illegal, expensive, time-consuming and silly.Now I'm going to watch it.XV ZOMBIE PROCESS (back from the dead): Hey BIOS, do something for me. Putthe sound card on the same IRQ as the graphics card, will you ? We're goingto have fun.GRAPHICS CARD: BIOS, could you prepare my IRQ please, I have to display anillegal copy of Star Wars that my stupid user has downloaded on the Internet.BIOS: I'm sorry, Graphics card, but your IRQ is currently used by Sound cardwho is playing the music of the same illegal copy of Star Wars. Can't youhear it ?GRAPHICS CARD: Oh, is it Star Wars ? It thought it was Indiana Jones orsomething. It's the same music anyway. So, what are you doing on my IRQ,Sound card ?SOUND CARD (singing):I will keep the IRQI will not share it with youYou must wait there in the queueTill I give it back to...GRAPHICS CARD (turning red): Listen, I'm an artist, I have the priority overyou. Give me this IRQ !SOUND CARD (shouting): Shut up, I'm trying to find a rhyme.GRAPHICS CARD (switching to 16-million-color mode): I can't believe it. I'llthrow you out of your PCI slot ![ strange noise inside the computer ]USER THIERRY: qsfgegfdgfd^C^D^D^Hfyckmlklm[ human voice, from the outside ] It's strange, the characters I type do notappear any more, the screen is frozen !SHELL PROCESS: I'm dying ! Argh.INIT PROCESS: Hmm, I feel strange, I feel very strange. I'm tired, I'm verytired. Let's go to bed. BIOS, please put me on hibernation mode, and don'twake me up before weapproach Alpha Centauri.USER THIERRY: sfdqf [click] [plonk] [tluck][ human voice, from the outside ] I can't believe it, I'll have to press theReset button again.BIOS: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't let you do that.[ human voice ] What ? Who spoke there ? My name is not Dave. Let's pressthe button.BIOS: I'm sorry Sucker, I'm afraid I can't... err...Hmm... I'm waking up. Linux Loader, are you there ?
